


Funny Games

by The_Kawaiiest_Cannibal



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Blood, Carlos swears, Death. So much Death., Diego Kerr Created By Nazi-Nurse, Feels, Stabby Trivia, bunsen burners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-03 23:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Kawaiiest_Cannibal/pseuds/The_Kawaiiest_Cannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin has been following Carlos around all day. Chaos, complete misunderstandings of the word "friend", fun games, and deadly boyfriend jealously insue. BE WARNED! MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Funny Games

Carlos was working quietly in his lab, observing the interesting chemical patterns created by some desert sand he had disolved with silver nitrate. The nitrate had somehow caused the sand to go through a reverse crysalization process, reducing it to an unpleasently colored blob of gelationus beige. Another rountinely confusing day for science in Nigh Vale he supposed. While Carlos was feverently scribbling down observations as the sand began to emit a low humming sound, Kevin had silently and miraculously broken into Carlos's lab and had discovered an unattended Bunsen burner amidst the neatly labled test tubes. He switched the gas on began observing the color of his burning flesh with great interest as he held it directly over the flame."Woah, your lab is so cool! I wish I had one of these." He said cheerfully in Carlos's direction, as if they had been making conversation the entire time.

"Oh God, how did you get in here?!" Carlos shrieked, droping his notes into the gelationus sand. He hastily shoved Cecil's terrifying double out of the door and locked it behind him. 

"Can't I come in Carlos~?!" Kevin asked, pressing his eyeless face against the glass of Carlos's window.

"PLEASE JUST GO AWAY KEVIN!"Carlos yelled furiously at the man pressing his face against the glass. 

He had suspected Cecil's double had been following him around for hours after walking into him at the radio station, where Carlos had been bringing Cecil his lunch. He had had the distinct feeling of being followed on his way to lab, but this was something he had grown used to feeling in Night Vale, and had dismissed it. Carlos's thoughts snapped back to the present at the sight of Kevin punching his already bloody and charred hand through the window, grabbing desparately for the doorknob, "Please Carlos, I just want to be friends!" he whined, disturbingly wide grin never faltering as he attempted to shove his face through the broken glass. Carlos, not wanting to deal with Kevin today, (not that he wanted to deal with him any day) went out the back of the small office space that his lab consisted of and retreated to the saftey of his car. Hopefully Kevin wouldn't bother following him home. Though he would have to put up with his allergies, as Khoshekh had not fully recovered from his run in with the Strex Pet and couldn't return to the station yet, it seemed like his most viable option.

Carlos floored the gas and headed for the apartment. The drive had been so far uneventfull, that is until Carlos came to a stoplight. A shiny yellow Corvette pulled up next to him, and as the driver rolled down the tinted windows, he realized he was waiting at a stoplight next to his damnable double. "Where the hell is Kevin?" his dopelganger shouted, voice like corporate steel.   
" Don't know and don't care" Carlos replied flippantly. He hated Diego more then he did Kevin and it took every ounce of his being not to ram his own car into the Corvette. Bottling up the anger that was builidng up in him rather quickly, Carlos drove on, far exceeding the speed limit and ignoring the fact that it was still a red light in an attempt to get from both the doubles. Deigo's obsidian eyes narrowed in anger as he choked on the dust cloud produced by Carlos's hybrid. He recklessly tore through the red light after his double, running over several Night Vale pedestrians in the process. "Get back here you sub-human counterfeit excuse for a scientist!" he practically roared, pushed to an the very edges of anger by the sheer insolence of the other man who dared to share his likeness. It was obvious that that idotic upstart of a radio host he was attached to wasn't enough for him, and Carlos had stollen his darling Kevin away. He was gaining on the other, and they were soon speeding side by side down the desert highway. 

Carlos was equally furious at the idiotic doppleganger on his tail. He refused to let Diego catch up to him and drove even faster then he had prevously been, at points even ramming his vehicle into Diego's in an attempt to slow him down. This was to no avail, and if anything angered Diego even more. He had resorted to driving on the sidewalk to protect his car from further damage, which in hindsight didnt help very much since he was now hitting pedestrians who's corpeses and broken bodies had shattered his windshield.The pair were nearing Radon Canyon crossing, yes Radon Canyon crossing with the downed bridge that the city council had never gotten around to fixing on the grounds that they hadn't "felt like it". Deigo would have attempted a cinematic jump across the canyon, he was sure his Corvette was more than capable. However, he didn't want the radiation to damage the paint, so he instead sped to a screeching halt near the gaping chasm, glad that his double had sense enough to do the same so Diego could kick his ass in person.

Carlos hadn't really meant to drive all the way to Raydon Canyon, (the canyon was actually twenty minutes past his apartment), but he had been just so caught up in the moment he couldnt help driving past home. He saw Diego get out of his car, clearly with the intention to fight, but Carlos wanted none of it. He quickly threw he car in reverse and sped home, leaving Diego and the carnage they had caused behind him. 

Cecil peered through the second story window just in time to see Carlos pulling up in the driveway, his stylish hybrid sporting a few blood stains that Cecil was sure hadn't been there before. Cecil rushed downstairs in his purple sweatpants to meet Carlos at the door, head buzzing with questions and worry. Cecil's worry didnt last very long though after he rememberd that most cars in Night Vale did have a tenedency to bleed for no real reason at all. However,he did have quite a few questions. Those questions included; "Why are you home so early?", "Do you like my new sweat pants?", "Why are you shoving me back into the house with a worried expression?", "Who's eye is that?", and most importantly "Why are Kevin and Diego in the driveway?". The last one Cecil said with great annoyance rather than the other questions, which had been asked in a rather playful and cheery manner.

Kevin smiled darkly at the pair inside, his face and arms sporting what looked to be several nasty chemical burns, healing rather unpleasently on the cuts he had already sustained from shoving his head through the lab window earlier. "Oh Deigo it was horrible, that nasty awful scientest burned my arms too!" he said in pitiful tone, holding out his blackend arms for Diego to see. Kevin had resolved on his brisk jog to after Carlos's car that if Carlos wasn't going to be his friend, he would make him pay. 

This was evidently just what Diego intened to do, as his entire being postively burning with rage at the thought that Carlos had harmed his darling. He sprinted up the driveway, pounding his fist mercilessly on the front door. "Open the door this second you idiotic identity stealing son of a bitch!!!"  
Both Cecil and Carlos were reluctant to opened the door, "Why are they here?" Cecil asked. "Your just chocked full of questions today aren't you?" Carlos snapped. He was tired as hell of the both the doubles' nonsense and just wanted to them to go away. Still, he knew he shouldn't take it out on Cecil, and took a deep breath, answering his question with regained composure. "Kevin had been following me around ever since I left you at the station. I couldnt get rid of him so I decided to leave him in the lab and on the way here I ran into Diego. He assumed I was trying to take Kevin from him and tried to beat me up, and I guess Kevin decided to hurt himself more than he already did when he broke into the lab and blame it on me."   
Cecil gave his boyfriend's hand a comforting squeeze, "Oh my, sounds like you've had a rough day" he replied gently, knowing how hard it must be hard on Carlos to deal with the more extereme and violent antics of the town, given he was still getting used to it's small weird anomalies. "In any case, I don't think we should open the door for a while. It's reinforced titanium like most apartment doors, so we should be fine for at least an hour or two." Deigo was still pounding furiously on the door, but appeared to tiring out. He was human after all, and there is only so long one can pound on an apartment door without sustaining substantial hand damage.

Though Diego was human Kevin on the other hand was not. He soon grew tired of Diegos useless fist beating and decided to join in the breaking down of the door.   
All he wanted to do was have some fun with Cecil and Carlos. He didn't think that much was too much to ask for, and when he got inside they could play cards, or have a hug war, or maybe play some board game. Kevin was very good at scrabble he always won. Kevin pushed his exhasted boyfriend gently aside, ripping the closed door off it's hinges with relative ease and waving cheerily at the now terrified Cecil who had the misfortune to be on the other side. "Hi Cecil~! Can me and Diego come in to play?" he asked, not waiting for a reply as he stepped inside, practically draging Deigo behind him. 

Diego who was just as tired as Carlos, no longer had any desire to harm any body anymore and just wanted to go home and sleep. Kevin however, was feeling quite the opposite.

He began scavenging through the house for games that the four of them could play. He eventually came accross an old copy of Taboo which wouldnt do at all, as he hated traditional board games and came to the conclusion that he would have to make his own game. He retreated to the kitchen, grabbing a large and very sharp butcher knife from one of the cabinets, an empty bottle of whine, and one of Carlos's bunsen burners. The bunsen burner had nothing to do with the game, he just enjoyed holding his hand above the open flame. Kevin set the bunsen burner on the table, reciving questioning glances all round, followed by terrified ones as they noticed the butcher knife and bottle. Diego was slumped in an easy chair, content to let Kevin carry out his little game as long as it didn't send him to the hospital like last time. Carlos and Cecil were hiding behind the couch, hoping that they wouldn't be noticed if they didn't make any sudden movements. Unfortuneately, they were. "Come out from there you silly billys, you can't play Stabby Trivia from behind the couch!" Kevin chided, staring intently at the pair with his dark void-like eyes as he waited for them to take a seat at the game table like good friends. "Okey you guys! Here's how you play. First I spin the bottle. Whoever the bottle lands on gets asked a trivia question by the person who just spun. If the person answering the question is wrong they get stabbed by the person asking the question and the first person do die loses. Then the game is over. So lets begin!" Kevin said with a smile.

Cecil and Carlos were frozen in fear, while Diego looked on with tired amusement. Kevin spun the bottle with unneciarry zeal, grining from ear to ear as it finally came to a rest in the direction of Cecil. "Okey Cecil, since your first, I'll give you an easy one.What is my favorite color?" he asked, playfully running his fingers through the flame of the bunsun burner. 'shoot' Cecil thought. Perhaps he could try to decipher Kevins favorite color from his attire, as most people commonly wore their favorite colors. Kevin was wearing almost the same clothing that Cecil wore to work. He had on a black suit vest coated in dried blood, a yellow button down shirt also covered in blood which seemed much more recent, a bright yellow bow tie which oddly containing no blood on it at all, and a pair of dress pant and shoes equally covered in blood. Cecil was torn between answering the question with blood or yellow. "Blood?" he asked. There was an uncomfortably long pause, then Kevin finally responded " Why yes Cecil, I didnt know you knew me so well!" he was very exited by Cecil's answer and let him spin. The bottle came to a stop in front of Carlos, Cecil gave him a nervous grin. Cecil had no idea what sort of questions constituted trivia in this situation, but hoped that whatever he asked would not result in any bodily harm to either him or Carlos. "Um...what is Night Vale's main export Carlos?". Surely he would know this one. "Mother fucker!" Carlos thought to himself in a rare burst of mental explative. 'How the hell was he supposed to know the main export of NightVale he barley knew where to find the diner? Granted restaurants did have a tendency to teleport into random vacant lots around town, but that wasn't the point.' He was in no way prepared for this game, "Can I ask for hints?" he asked Kevin, "In exchange for a finger, yes." 'Well fuck.' He thought to himself again. He was just going to have to guess and hope Cecil didnt stab him in anything vital to his continued existance. "Ummmmmm, rice?" he asked. Cecil grimaced. He knew he should have picked a different question, but how hard was it to know that Night Vale's main export was cursed upholstrey? Advertisements for it were practically everywhere! However, since the only one in the room familiar with the town's exports was him, maybe he could get away with a white lie. "Great job Carlos! Here, spin the bottle!" Cecil said, trying to sound enthusiastic as he lied through his teeth. He was in the process of passing the bottle to Carlos when Kevin put a death grip on his hand, "I don't think that's right Cecil" Kevin said with a grin. 

"No, no I believe that rice is in fact Night Vale's main export, I mean look around. Rice fields are everywhere, though they are invisible like most of our agricultural paraphenalia." Cecil figured that if he lied enough Kevin would let him give the bottle to Carlos, but sadly that wasn't case. "I know your lying Cecil, Strex Corp. eliminated all of the rice fields last week so it would be impossible for rice to be your main export, and since you clearly don't know all the rules of stabby trivia I'll tell you now. If a player lies about an answer, they themsleves get stabbed." Kevin grabed the butcher knife and shoved it straight into Cecil's thigh. Cecil cried out in immense pain, his face the picture of shock as purple tinted blood spilling down his leg. "Get the hell way from him!!" Carlos yelled, intending to grab the knife from Kevin, but meeting with the cool touch of polished steel against his temple before he was even halfway out of his chair. "Sit down Carlos. It will only be worse if you try to stop him, and besides, as much as I hate to say it, he'll be fine. Kevin never makes it fatal on his first go." Diego said, guiding a very tense Carlos back to the chair with the barrel of his gun.

"OOOOOOOWA!" Cecil cried as the knife was removed from his leg, and in all honesty it hadnt even hurt that much. Kevin hadn't even hit bone, how sweet of him. The only part that was not particularly enjoyable was the flood of blood that was now gushing from the wound on his leg, 'Well I guess I'm never wearing these sweatpants again' Cecil thought to himself. He had really liked those sweat pants too. They were very comfy and were the perfect shade of purple (almost as perfect as Carlos's hair, except his hair wasn't purple, but perfect nontheless.). Kevin had resumed running his hand over the bunsen burner is hand was beginning to turn a rather sickening shade of dark red and a faint puff of smoke had started coming off. Carlos spun the bottle. 

Deigo gave a slight smirk as the bottle stopped in his direction. He was more than confident that he could answer any triva question that his other self could cobble together from the incorrect and misguided "scientific facts" bouncing around in his incompetent mind. Carlos had to think of something big, he knew that Diego would assume that he was going to ask a science related question, and Diego being his double would be able to answer it without any thought. He had to think wierd, unprofessional, idiotic. "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie pop?" Carlos was the only person he knew that could answer that question. He had once planned an entire experiment around that one question, and three of his collgues died during the trial phase. "I beg you pardon?" Deigo asked, caught completely off gaurd. "You heard me." It was Carlos's turn to smirk now. Diego exhaled an unneciarrily long breath, his though process further hindered by the fact that Kevin was looking at him with complete confidence, and he was almost certainly going to disapoint him "Well, the answer to that is obvious...obviously..." He shifted his position on the counch "Um.. 292." Carlos shook his head. He was going to enjoy this. "Sorry Deigo, you're off by about 203 licks." Kevin was hesitant, but handed Carlos the butcher knife, still dripping with Cecil's blood.

Carlos had had just about enough of this nonsense. Kevin had said once someone dies the game ends, and Carlos did something he thought he would never have done. He ended the game. The the already bloody butcher knife sailed into Diego's chest, cutting multiple arteries on it's way deep into the cavity. Diego, in some sort of act of defience spat blood all over Carlos's lab coat, then dropped his head and convulsed into death. 

Kevin's cavernous suddenly eyes widened, an inhuman noise making it's way from his throat that sounded like some sort of insect nest being crushed repeatedly with a hammer and he appeared to be crying blood. He grabbed the pistol out of his poor dear Diego's inner suit pocket, and leaped on top of Carlos with enough force to knock him off his feet. Kevin gripped the scientist's neck, shoving one of his very sharp nails into the scientest's jugular while Carlos struggled. "You. hurt. Diego." he spat through clenched grinning teeth. He rammed the barrel of the gun against his skull, preparing to send several gold plated bullets into his skull. 

"KEVIN NO!" wailed Cecil, who had been until this point paralyzed with shock, through streams of tears. Kevin turned at the sound of double's voice, and decided instead to let the gold plated bullets run their unfeeling course through Cecil's chest. Cecil colapsed to the floor.

The radio host and the scientist stood frozen in the living room, now covered wall to wall with blood. Kevin had dropped the gun as if it was something foreign, and had begun to stare at Diego's lifeless body, trying to see if he could mend it in some way. Carlos finally broke the silence, his voice evened in empty grief. "What now?" he asked quietly. "I don't know." Kevin replied, still investigating the gaping hole in Diego's chest with a sort of morose resignation. Carlos went to sit next to Cecil and grasped his hand that was already so quickly growing cold. There was so much blood. And they were completley alone.


End file.
